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 Here, baby, Ben said, unfolding a metal chair.
Neil shook his head.  You first. I ll sit in your lap.
Ben nodded and settled on the chair, pulling Neil into his lap. Neil rested against Ben s
chest and watched as Nate stepped up to the microphone.
 For those of you who don t know me, I m Nate Gills, proud mayor of Cattle Valley. I
think it is appropriate that we start the day with a prayer. Please stand and give your
attention to Reverend Casey Sharp.
Neil stood, along with the crowd. He felt Ben s comforting hand on the small of his
back.
Nate stepped back and Reverend Sharp took his place at the podium.  Let us all bow
our heads.
Neil had never been particularly religious, but he bowed his head as Casey began.
 Our dear Heavenly Father, help us& 
That was as far as Neil got before his mind began to wander. Before the collapse he d
naively thought the worst moments of his life had already occurred. The childhood abuse,
the murder of his mother, and the most devastating of all, the day Ben pushed him out the
door and out of his life. But the events a year earlier made him realise just how little control
he had. His life wasn t in his hands at all. Sure he could move on from the abuse, the murder
and the loss of the one person who meant everything to him, but he had no say in whether he
lived or died.
NEIL S GUARDIAN ANGEL Carol Lynne
85
A moment, any moment could change everything. Why had Gavin s side of the
grandstand collapsed and not his? Why was Gavin dead, but the woman sitting next to him
barely bruised?
Neil knew they were questions that could never be answered. Why? Because despite
what everyone thought, they were not in control. Neil chanced a glance over his shoulder at
Ben. His lover thrived on being in control. Neil wondered how Ben would have reacted if
they d been sitting together in the stands a year earlier. Would Ben s control have suffered?
Ben s hand moved to wrap around his waist, pulling him more securely against Ben s
broad chest.
Neil sighed. No. Ben would ve fought even harder to prove he was worthy of leading. It
was the kind of man he was.
Neil knew the kind of lifestyle Ben hung his hopes on was an illusion. It took as much
strength to follow as it did to lead, both demanded absolute trust. The label Ben had given
the lifestyle his parents had raised him in was simplistic. It didn t speak of the people
involved as individuals, but lumped them into two categories. Neil wasn t a category. The
experiences he d lived through had made him who he was, a man who was often scared of
the unknown but seldom depressed over it.
His relationship with Ben grew stronger each day. They continued to disagree on
certain things, but Neil had learned over time to pick his battles. Whether or not to keep a
stick of butter on the table or in the fridge wasn t something he had the conviction to fight
about.
He didn t blame Ben for his ideals. Hell, some of them he even agreed with. Sex with
Ben was fantastic no matter what label was put on it. Neil did what felt right and
worshipping his lover in every way imaginable made them both happy.
Ben had made the decision to sell his home in Rapid City without consulting Neil first.
Although some people might get angry at the exclusion, Neil didn t let it bother him. The
important thing was to be with Ben in Cattle Valley. Whatever Ben felt he needed to do to
make that happen was fine with Neil. Why discuss something when it was known they were
both after the same result. Neil trusted Ben. If he didn t, he wouldn t be standing in his arms.
 Amen. The crowd answered to the prayer, bringing Neil back to the activity onstage.
Ben kissed Neil s shoulder.  You okay?
NEIL S GUARDIAN ANGEL Carol Lynne
86
Neil nodded. He looked up, scanning the crowd. There were couples jostling wiggling
children, men and women wiping tears and those, like him, who still felt the guilt of survival.
Yes, it had been a year since their lives had been forever changed, but Neil had a strong
feeling the rebuilding would take more than a new arena, something, oddly enough, echoed
by Nate as he began to speak.
 Cattle Valley lost more than Jim Becker, Gavin Lively, Rick Buchanon and Earl Graves
a year ago. We lost our innocence as a community and as individuals. There isn t a single [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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