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how you enter into joint exercises with a long-term partner, or how you
approach a new one. You both have to be open, aboveboard, and tolerant of
mistakes. I've promised to help you talk about this stuff, and I will shortly.
To have reached this point, you've had to love and accept yourself. To go
further, you and your partner need to work and play together with a Tantric
attitude. That's why we're starting this chapter with building a partnership for
joint Orgasm Mastery and developing essential communication skills. Yes, I
believe you're ready for mutual exercises We just have to make sure that the
two of you are in sync before you take turns pleasuring each other and doing
each other at the same time. Ooooh, that makes me hard just thinking about
it.
5.2 Partnering Guidelines
Common Aims
Tantric lovemaking is a joint dance where each lover surrenders to inner waves
of energy and both assist each other to reach higher and higher peaks.
Pleasure, not orgasm, is the aim. By soaring together, each partner can reach
unheard of peaks and plateaus that culminate in bigger, stronger, deeper, often
simultaneous spiritual climaxes. But pushing for the Big O puts your
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attention out of the moment and on the wrong thing. Of course, yielding to
that familiar urge to squirt can short-circuit the whole deal.
If your lover is pushing for maximum stimulation and rushing headlong
towards orgasm as quickly as possible, the two of you will be playing at cross
purposes. To prevent this, both of you need to agree on common aims based
on the Tantric vision of lovemaking. This means each being totally responsible
for your own pleasure, asking for what you want, giving sensitive feedback,
going slowly, and savoring physical and intimate delights together. This is how
love partners stretch their communion out for long periods of time. If this isn't
crystal clear to both of you yet, together read and discuss the first part of
Chapter 7 which describes Tantric lovemaking in greater detail.
Finding Partners
If you're single and still developing confidence in your Orgasmic Mastery, I
understand that you have some apprehension about entering into a new sexual
relationship. When you've connected with a new person to the point of wanting
to be physically intimate, I strongly urge you to approach this delicate subject
candidly before you take your clothes off. This may seem awkward or even
daunting, so here are some suggestions to help you approach the conversation
frankly, positively, and without putting yourself down. In other words, I don't
want you to blurt out "I cum too quickly" in a spurt of honesty. Remember,
that's the old you, one we don't want to reinforce.
Here's an opening line to broach this subject. Feel free to modify it so it
sounds like you talking. Just be sure to make it positive...
"I'm studying to be a Tantric lover, merging spirit with physical pleasure.
Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice that uses sexual energy to raise
consciousness. It's teaching me to view sex as a sacred meditation.
"What this all means is that I want to go slowly, learning how to worship
your body as I'm learning to love and appreciate your soul. You excite me
tremendously, but I don't want to get swept away too soon, rushing
towards a quick release. I'd rather begin by playing sensitively with the
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energy between us for long periods of time and move forward without any
goals other than pleasure.
"Will you dance with me, letting us experiment and teach each other,
communicating each step of the way so we can know each other fully and
intimately?"
If you have success with your own version of this dialogue, or run into
problems, please email me at mailto:Somraj@TantraAtTahoe.com and let me
know.
Long Term Partners
Clearly, men with long-term partners have someone close at hand to practice
with. This obvious advantage may be accompanied by some drawbacks. If
involuntary cuming has been a problem for some time, as wonderful as your
partner may be, some emotional issues might surface when you broach the
subject of Tantric sex and Orgasm Mastery.
The emotions you might be met with - hesitance, resentment, disbelief, apathy,
infuriation - can seem illogical until you develop some empathy for your lover's
situation. If you overreact to these reactions, you could blow the whole deal
before you get started. Here are some suggestions that may help you to look at
things from their viewpoint...
" Consider the way your long-term lover might be compensating for the state of
your love life. Your partner might value other emotional needs - security,
affection, companionship - higher than complete physical satisfaction. People
have been known to live happily ever after while giving up something elusive
(big orgasms) in exchange for something that's important to them (like having
those emotional needs met). If you propose changing this dynamic, in one
sense you're refusing to accept that sacrifice. If you think this might be the
case, discuss how you value what your partner has done in the past and how
these emotional needs could be met along with better sex.
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" Maybe intercourse isn't your partner's favorite activity. Maybe you're way
more interested in sex. If either is the case, it makes sense that your Tantric
program may not seem worth your partner's effort. I wonder if your partner
has ever really experienced ecstatic sex? If not, see if you can get your lover's
interest in the prospect of something much much better.
" Your partner may have concerns and objections to some of the consequences
of the Ultimate Ecstatic Solution program. For example, extended lovemaking
can cause soreness. Of course, the slow stop-start beginning is a good way to
counter this concern. If sensitive tissues are an issue, you need to promise to
be extra careful, conscious, and assertive about replenishing lubrication.
" A structured approach doesn't work for everybody. Your partner may worry
that you'll become too clinical in bed and lose whatever heart-centered
spontaneity you have. If so, explain that the structure is a temporary phase
designed to permanently enhance your spontaneous love sharing. You can
also propose to alternate making love with and without structure while going
through this program. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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