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anybody, at their primitive level of understanding. And so on.
She saw in Benjamin's grim, set jaw his stifled anger at how she had
outflanked him, going around to Kingsley. Well, she would make it up to him.
Something special, great meal, wine, a Victoria's
Secret evening, the works
. Then she blinked and knew she was beyond that, too, thoroughly out of it
now, no body worth bothering with anymore. Or mind, either, to judge from her
slippery hold on events.
Kingsley was speaking now, and Benjamin was arguing, and it was all under
glass for her. Kingsley arguing that Benjamin was "too close to the issue,"
then some military types coming into Arno's office, earnest expressions
turning to blank-faced when they realized she, the one
, was there. Kingsley's clashes with Benjamin had been personal, bitter in
their tone, and she let all that sweep away from her.
Pieces of the discussion came to her from the dozen men in the room.
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272
"& barely technically possible& "
"& research in this area is still crudely developed& "
"& U Agency wishes to sequester her data& "
"& crash basis, can get the black box up to orbital rendezvous within a day& "
One of the Air Force generals she had seen interviewed on 3-D sat nearby and
said, looking right at her, "The whole world is on a war footing, after all 
the first interstellar war."
She roused herself to quote a famous bureaucratic maxim. "You can get great
things done as long as you don't have to get credit for it." Then she sank
back and let them try to figure out what it meant.
She saw, from an airy distance, that she had slipped free of ambition, a clean
escape. No longer did the fires of desire for fame or success burn in her;
they were banked forever. Now much of her earlier striving seemed pointless,
even contemptible.
She could be a spectator now. But even in the End
Game, as chess players called it, the old astronaut ambition governed.
Arno again, speaking to her. "We all respect your contribution. It is a very
valiant thing you do, for all humanity."
She gave him a long look that should have struck several centimeters out of
his back. "No heroics. I'm doing this to it."
do
273
Then the Air Force and NASA types came in and she tried to hold on to the
thread but failed.
Keep quiet, so they don't know
, her good sense told her.
Even that wasn't easy.
Somehow the big stuff went by smoothly, but she snagged on vexing details. One
of the NASA
astronaut contingent described how the control systems of the Searcher craft
would be refitted to accept her commands  or rather, the digital "her."
He outlined how this would be the ultimate in compact control systems, "&
manned, I mean crewed," with a nervous glance at Channing.
She said slowly and with shaky clarity, even though she was not really sure
she was right, "The word 'manned' comes from the Latin for hand, I
believe, as in 'manipulate.' Nothing sexist about it."
Everyone smiled and she saw that they were on her side, as much as anyone
could be. Comforting.
But Benjamin was stern and dire, his big-eyed gaze full of fear and confusion.
274
"Agencies despise uncertainties, old fellow,"
Kingsley said, "but we are scientists and know that knowledge is based upon
doing experiments that can fail."
Benjamin sensed that this was a set speech, well honed in the corridors of
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power, but let it do its work on him, anyway. Kingsley had a way of letting
you in on the secrets of command. This last sentence filled him with hope.
"You're saying they aren't going to go for her idea?"
"No, I am saying that Arno is going against the instincts of those above him.
Our only chance lies in how rattled they are up there."
Benjamin's elation fizzled away. He might as well admit how he actually felt,
even if it was to
Kingsley. He could hardly say this to Channing: "I'm against it, y'know."
Absolutely expressionless: "I suspected as much."
4
275
"Yeah?" Somehow Kingsley's razor precision made him use sloppy Americanisms in
return. "I&
don't want her to suffer any more. This thing& "
"It won't truly be her."
"But it'll be like her so much." [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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